doing what she always does.

she's clawing at me

she needs me

she's reaching for emotional support

but not really asking for it

she doesn't give a fuck about me

it's not about me

it's never about me

god fucking dammit

it hurts so bad

it hurts so fucking bad

i can feel it in my throat

my bile

the rage i feel at you

how dare you

how dare you try and come into my moments

she's doing what she always does

she's just doing what she always does

she's still doing what she always does

she's just doing what she always does

i don't want you in my moments

i don't want you in my life

now it all feels tainted

like it's got your stink on it

i'm not letting you ruin this

i don't care

i hate that it doesn't make sense

it shouldn't be like this

i shouldn't feel like this

i shouldn't hate you so much for trying

but i do

i'm disgusted

i'm nauseated

and i'm enraged

i hope that big, empty, ugly house swallows you whole.

RACHEL SANDSTROM MORRISON