Lately, I haven’t been feeling in-tune with “women in the workplace” mentality. I’ve been elsewhere, kind of all over the place.
Well, not all over the place, but focusing on my personal life, and working on forgiveness, finding a good balance on the weekend, and I started working with a personal trainer.
I recently reached out to a high school friend I had a huge falling out with (long story, read a little more here), in an effort to truly forgive. I realized that I could be preventing myself from having more happiness, or from being open to newer, better experiences by holding on to that twelve-year-old grudge. Which is dumb.
She responded positively and we’re going to start talking things through. It feels like the right decision in order to really get over this shit and start moving forward. Forgiving her and myself doesn’t put me in the same vulnerable position, it means that I’ve learned from my mistakes and experiences, and am free to apply that knowledge.
Balance on the weekend
This has been a struggle for me since I left the service industry for a 9-to-5 and got weekends off for the first time, about two years ago.
My tendency is either to sit on the couch for the better part (like 80 percent) of the weekend, watching Netflix and getting day drunk, or spend the whole time deep cleaning my house.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good Netflix binge, and I love a good deep clean, but it was way out of balance. I was either feeling like I wasted my time, or that I didn’t get a break from working.
Balance is HARD.
So I’ve been taking some steps to be better about having a balanced weekend.
I realized that part of the reason I day drink so much on the weekends is because I have a hard time relaxing in a space that isn’t clean (part guilt, part my personality), and I don’t want to do it. If I’m drunk (or tipsy), I don’t care anywhere near as much.
I wrote up a chore chart to remind me to do more cleaning during the week so that the house is already clean for my weekend. I’ve done some of it, the reminder is helpful, but I have yet to follow it completely.
I’ve also been trying to get out of the house more. Since I started teaching yoga again about a month ago, that’s been much easier. I have a class to get to on Saturday mornings at 10 a.m., so I get up early, drink some coffee, do a little meditation/class prep, and a brief tidy. That always feels really good.
It’s a work in progress, but so far, having a “job” to do on Saturdays that doesn’t take up the whole day, is good for me, and gets me out of the house has been super helpful.
Also, baths on Sundays are working WONDERS for my mental health. A nice hot bath with epsom salts, candles everywhere, and a diffuser (lavender + lemongrass is my fave essential combo right now) is the best thing ever.
Note: this is not me.
This is also helping me get organized and be committed to taking care of myself. During my first consultation, I realized that I had never started a fitness/healthy eating regimen from a healthy place. Since middle school, it was always, “I’m so fat and ugly and will never be loved, I need to lose weight. I’m disgusting.” What a terrible inner monologue. No wonder it never quite stuck. I hated myself, started working on it, started feeling better, stopped seeing results, started hating myself, quit. Rinse, repeat. Such a shitty cycle.
So this time, I’m starting from a healthy place. I like myself, I like my life, I like my husband. I’m happy. I’d like to look a little hotter in a bathing suit or high waisted jeans, but I generally feel good about myself. It’s a really cool shift.
It’s not, “ugh, so sad, I can’t have a donut or 75,” it’s “look at this delicious meal I get to eat.” And so far, it’s working. I don’t have weight loss results to report, but my mindset is really healthy this time about all of it.
Plus, my trainer is awesome. She is totally kicking my ass and making me realize how strong I already am. I get to lift heavy weights and challenge my body. I get to have a more structured workout schedule which includes more cardio than I’ve ever done in my life, and I’m going to feel even better (healthy) and look better, which is all great. It’s all good things.
It’s not often that I spend so much of my time, energy, and focus on my personal life, but I should, because “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
Can I get an amen?